In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “Well, I Never….”Tell us about something you’ve done that you would advise a friend never to do.
When I was growing up, I was absent father. I had a great amount of support coming from all the women that my family could bare. This consisted of a very strong mother, a sister thats a year older, an aunt, a godmother complete with her 3 daughters. This is the atmosphere in which I was raised.
I played witness to all of their struggles, in relationship and in the never ending journey we call life. Needless to say I was quite-quiet when at home. Didn’t really have anyone to connect with (at least that’s how I’ve felt). I mean if anything is true about men and women being from opposite sides of the earth that is something I understood quickly. Man was minority in this house!
However, I digress. The point is when it came to manly things I would always fall short. Which in turn would make me feel out of place with the guys I normally hung around. Its almost like being in a crowded room but you’re still alone because there is no connection. Most of the guys I hung around with were all athletes, you see I played basketball, Football, and ran some track. Besides sports talk, I couldn’t relate to anything they were dealing with. I guess part of that is because I was a bit of a late bloomer (perhaps sheltered) when it came to topics guys normally talk about outside of sports, but that’s a totally different story.
Growing up with women and noticing pains and hurts I developed a strong belief in being the type of guy that took care of a woman, mind you I am still man and all my ideals and theories are based on fantasy and experiences that I’ve seen women in my family live through. But I committed to trying to find one girl (nevermind I thought having more than one was too much work) and be everything to her. I wanted her friends to be jealous and maybe even aspire for the same relationship. Hopefully I could erase the misery on my families face by treating this one woman right.
I am actually quite stubborn, have always known what I wanted, and then I joined the military. My world wasn’t completely crazy but things I didn’t know existed, actually existed…wtf! strip clubs, smut magazines, ladies forgive me for saying this, but loose women and the connection or relationships that men and women had finally revealed itself to me. I couldnt believe it. For the first time I was doubting my relationship ( i was far away dating the same girl from high school) dear john letters floating around, emails of wives extra curricular activities even with kids involved. I was thrust in life with an overload of actions and people that I had some how had to find a way to digest.
I remember coming into one contact with a guy who was severely betrayed by his wife, and maybe even his family. My then girlfriend now wife and I were constantly writing love letters and discovering how to live a life together apart. When this gentleman told me you cant trust women of course this was based on him finding his wife in bed with another man with his children watching cartoons (this other guy happens to be the brother in law).
Why this is a concept I never have thought of, but I let it get to me. I started scrutinizing every little thing that my then girlfriend told me about said college experiences. Kinda of hard to deal with long distant relationships plus we couldn’t talk on the phone regularly so if you couldn’t write specifically what is going on, there was no tone of voice, not laughter to note a joke none of that.
I was the type of guy that couldn’t even cheat on my girl in my dreams, I made a commitment to myself and my family but I was also not ready to let go I wanted to make it work. But my experiences told me that other things could be happening. I seen others go out, men and women cheat on their beloveds everyday, I never thought cheating was a bad thing, who are we to step in the way of someone trying to find happiness even if it came minutes at a time. I always thought that was a reflection of your relationship. Obviously something is missing. I cant blame a person for trying to find something that they are missing our priorities may be different I understand. I think people cheat because they are not getting something that they so desperately need. And for some reason have not worked a way out to get it with their partners.
So why everyone is playing the blame game when the cheater is caught, its definitely because your significant other has not stepped up to the plate. Damn right, I am placing full blame on the partner, and I am placing full blame on the cheater, there should be more restraint. After all think about the sins your family will have to pay for in the future. Thats another idea maybe well talk about later.
Anyhow I have never and hopefully will never cheat on myself or on the ones who believe in me. However I would tell them first when I am at that level. Most likely its because we are missing an element that is causing me to look for it elsewhere. Shouldn’t I give the one I love the benefit of the doubt.
Nobody’s perfect, but I do believe that we cannot stand idle claiming that we are the innocent party when we are being cheated on or if we are the cheater. Yes it hurts, yes something went wrong but we cannot let outside factors influence us.There are ways that a woman can drive another man into another woman’s heart. And vice versa. (just want to state there is no right party in this situation)
Although this story took an awkward twist, the main point is falling privy to someone elses advice. I almost made some very bad decisions based on what I seen throughout my time in the military, and while I aint no saint, What we should never do is let the influence of others dictate what we are going to do. I have fallen in that trap one to many times.
If it is not clear the question was, “tell you about something that I’ve done, that I would advise a friend never to do” Its something we do everyday actually. We let the influences of others dictate how we handle our relationships with family, friends, co workers the like. If we continue to do this how will we ever know who we are, what we value and most of all what we would do.
Photo Credit| https://pixabay.com/en/broken-bridge-adventure-danger-666180/