Its been a while since I last wrote. I guess that’s kind of a good thing. We all go through life. I really just want you to know me. I really have no other way to share with you who I am if I cant share my writing and thoughts with you.
I want you to know that you have been my most powerful inspiration, next to your mother. If it wasn’t for you I probably wouldn’t be pushing myself like I have been. You know the most scariest thing for me to do is open up to people. Here you are my daughter and you must wonder how is that the hardest thing, you are my reflection of all the good things that I am, and hopefully a minimal amount of bad parts.
You see when I grew up, life was very much different from what it is now. Its funny how fast things change once you look at it in perspective. You know I was waiting for you ever since I was 15. That’s when me and your mother first met. And if you want to get technical I first seen your mom when I was 14. One of my life goals was to have a family, once that happened I always thought life would be complete. Well as I have grown I have learned to want more.
Any who She proved very challenging, your mother. I was not use to young women being so reserved. I respected it though. I mean that in a way, that she wanted to know who I was first before she would even consider being my girlfriend. Not that I was the catch of the season or anything but your father was a person that was use to asking and getting what he wanted. She was the first thing I had to work for. That is humbling and admiring.
You see I grew up in a broken home. I dont say that in a negative way, but just in the sense of my father, your grandad wasnt always around I guess he decided he had better things to do. He came with the wind, and I sincerely hope that I dont suffocate you for that matter. I was raised by women. There was no shortage of them between my sister, my mom, my aunt, my grand mother, my god mother, my god sisters, I really got to experience women at a different level.
Which is probably where my respect from women come from. I’ve seen a lot through their relationships, and struggles that I try to be the best man for your mother that I can be. Rest assured, I am a man we make mistakes as do women, so the perfectness of a couple to me, would be that of the imperfect couple. if that makes sense.
This is important to know because my whole life I grew up thinking that I was alone. There are some things that women cannot relate with a man about ( at least that’s what I thought then). I didn’t have a voice, and I didn’t have any one around that could understand my voice. So I did a lot of observation and listening. Most of everything that we have today is based off a fantasy fairy tale of what I have perceived things should be. So far I hope its good enough. But now you have me embarking on something better. We will definitely get into that later.
But the foundation of what me and your mother have started together, began on the emphasis of giving me that feel that I was not alone. And we have experienced a very satisfying journey this far, one that includes tears, laughs, pain, pleasure and so forth. I can never repay your mother for what she has given me, and now I have to do my best to try and repay you for everything you have given me. Your mother forever gives me hope, and you my daugher has blessed me with the sentiment of life, further more the urge to live it to its fullest. I thank you and I hope to make you proud that I am your father.
I have always been the type of person that always questioned why I was the lucky one to have your mothers hand, at least that is the saying that every one freely gives. Your a very lucky guy, I never saw it that way, I always thought that we were lucky. Out of the whole world people experience relationships that do not work for whatever reason. We found our forever at a very young age. And while some will say live your life dont worry about relationships, I just want you to understand the longer you wait to get to know someone the longer it will take you to find something real.
If you can take the time to really get to know someone at an early age I would very much recommend it. As when you get older there is much more to worry about than just getting to know a person. Most people dont have time to do it. That’s a whole other letter though my love. Until then, I will write you soon.
Jamarow Le Flore