The realization has finally set in, and I hate to admit it. “I am afraid of failure”, I am not sure how most of you will take that statement. I just only figured it out, I claim to be this person free to do whatever I put my mind to. But what happens when your mind has been infected with the doubt bug. Are you moving on because you lost interest, or because your afraid of doing all the work, and not being able to produce or reap the benefits from it. I have many projects on my plate and a long, very long- to do list. And I tasked myself to understand where my failures have been and where my greatest strengths are. Just like success, failure is an expectation set by the individual in question. Where do you want this thing to go, is it here just for a short span of time, or is it supposed to be your forever?
I have a few projects that I would love to turn into forever. Failure to me is not accomplishing that feat. I realize that I was saving myself the heart ache and pain of having to build something and see it fall down. I never gave myself a chance, so that ultimately means I don’t trust myself to make it happen. I am a person that loves challenges, so this is me challenging myself. I have put somethings in place and have figured If I can be disciplined just enough, maybe then I will afford myself a shot; and when I hit a wall climb over it, run through it, find a way to get around it and keep moving. Let it serve as a lesson so you will never have to meet that particular wall again.
I forgot how to build. Somewhere I listened to the input of others. Not that I am blatantly not supposed to, but people have a tend to be negative and love to tell you what you can’t do instead of the tools you need to actually do something. I love to say that we all need to find out for ourselves. I am pretty sure that when Martin Luther King had his dream he did not run away from it, he met it face on and challenged himself and others in the process. Pushing people to be greater, better. This is what we all have to be. We have to find a way of getting over this idea of instant gratification for everything that we want to accomplish, like seeds, their is a time to nurture, and a time to grow.
I was listening to this Drake track, and I don’t know if it was my angel trying to get my attention, but all of a sudden I hear the words “you know its real when you are who you think you are” I thought to myself what would the person I think I am do, what would he put into action in order to make this dream, this goal, happen. Just then, almost instantly I had a short term direction to get everything all wrapped up. I knew where to start, at least where I wanted to start. The thing is If you start acting like the person you claim to be, I am sure that your life will change drastically if you allow yourself to be who you always dreamed you could be. It was a great question to ask myself, because it became a mantra for “wtf am I doing right now”, the person I want to be would not allow this type of inactivity. And just like that I had just enough energy to push myself to do a bit of research and begin my journey.
Point in case if you continue to do the things you’ve always done you will always get the same result. Most of the time we know what we have to do we just have to get ourselves out of that old mindset, that 360 degree circle we get stuck in only to roam around in the circle comfortably, we need to turn that into a 180 and keep moving forward.
I have a tall glass of water ordered, and once again am on the road to achieving the greatness as defined by me. If it doesn’t work it wont be because I didn’t try. And I think there is a little bit of success in moving forward toward a goal even if you don’t win that gold medal. Sometimes when you win you lose, and when you lose you win and sometimes when you win or lose you gain nothing at all. Try putting that into perspective.
Thanks for listening to my little random thought.